the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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