I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
