im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
my sisters under your porch take her home
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Randomize
