i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
