I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Sext me about skeletons
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
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