Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
