I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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