so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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