Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
