i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
