Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
