nut hugger
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
