HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
