Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
