please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
