She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
