Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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