Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Randomize
