I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
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