I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
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