On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
