This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
