I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
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