i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
