And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
