how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
