it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
