: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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