I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
