dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
only you would photoshop your dick
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
