Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
