so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
