I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize