he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
this boner is exhausting
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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