I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
