i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
