capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Randomize
