Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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