Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
