Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
