Plan B is the new Plan A
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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