The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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