Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
