so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Green mimosas i think yes
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
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