I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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