no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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