so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
