Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
