do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
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