Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
