When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize