Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
