i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
