she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
operation have a gay friend backfired
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize
