real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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