It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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