help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Randomize
