True but thats because hes a fetus.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
