Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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