Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Randomize
