garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Randomize
