Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
