Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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