Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
