I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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