so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Randomize
