i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
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