she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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