a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Terrible idea I love it
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
