There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
