he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Randomize
