It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Randomize
