after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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