just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
