this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
