you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
